I have molested children from an early age and I always made a plan to get access to children through my part time jobs, even my job at a church. I never gave God a second thought, nor did I care about the little lives I impacted and broke. I could not stop myself, even if I tried. I never asked God for help in any aspect of my life, I wanted to do everything on my own and did not want anybody’s help. I was invited to join church, but always thought those church people just think they are better than me, so I never joined.
I got arrested for child molestation and one night opened the bible to read it. The verses reminded me of people with perfect lives, while mine was so messed up that in anger I threw the bible at my prison cell wall. Later I picked it up and ripped parts of it out, sat on my bed and started reading the torn out pages. That night I got the best sleep I had had in months!
The next morning I got up and prayed and invited Jesus into my heart. I started attending bible studies with NBI prison ministry programs, where a book called ‘The Only Way Out’ has changed my perspective and my spiritual life. Now Jesus is helping me, to conquer the evil bondage of pedophilia and my life is changing for the better. I constantly ask God for guidance and although the road I walk is not easy, as I get a lot of criticism from fellow inmates for molesting children, I put God first and inside I feel a changed man. With God on my side, I feel free!
Through the encouragement of NBI staff I am currently writing a book, to help others that struggle with pedophilia.
Petrus Ruldoph – July 2019 * name changed for safety reasons